Happy Summer Solstice, friends. Here in Arizona, we’re hoping for a busy monsoon season which is one of my favorite things about living here. Every day, I study the eastern sky and I stalk the radar looking for clouds, wondering if mother nature will bless us with torrents of rain. The smell of the wet desert after a storm is absolutely heavenly.
I am ever hopeful.
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If you read my first book, or you’ve been following along, you’ll remember my BFF from jr. high and high school, Kathy. I wrote about her in my last issue here at Library Confidential, and we were finally - FINALLY! - able to grab lunch last week. It was fabulous to see her.
We originally met in the 8th grade when we had English and gym class together, and we’ve been friends ever since. She’s always loved the sunshine and heat, and she moved to Arizona the year after I did way back in the mid-90’s. I can’t tell you how comforting it is to me to have my oldest friend nearby.
It was Kathy who introduced me to Mötley Crüe, and one of the very first Crüe songs I ever heard was Starry Eyes. She played it for me on her Walkman while we were lined up in gym class at Blendon Middle School.
It’s still one of my favorite songs, and I always thought of Kathy as my Starry Eyes because she had these amazing green eyes (sorry Kath, I know - they’re HAZEL) that always seemed to sparkle with mischief.
Anyways, at lunch the other day, we talked about all the things like we’ve done now for the past 37 years, and of course, our beloved Mötley Crüe came up because they’re on tour right now. She has tickets to go, and I don’t have tickets to go, and I’m not sure I want to go and she’s not sure she wants to go, either.
I mean, she bought the tickets more than two years ago. A lot has happened in those two years.
Plus, it’s been rescheduled for a school night in August, and it’s WAY THE HELL across town - almost an hour away at the football stadium.
I guess we are at the age where we weigh all of these factors very, very carefully before we commit to a full evening of…anything, really.
I saw Guns N’ Roses at the same stadium in 2016, in August as well. It was about ten days after my diagnosis, and I was walking around with a sore and bandaged tit from the recent biopsy.
Hub busted open the piggy bank at the last minute and got us AWESOME floor seats because we were about to face the scariest thing we’d ever faced together and we needed to kick it off with some very loud rock music from our youth.
For almost three hours, I forgot about my boob.
Now, the funniest part of the show was that Axl stood on stage while wearing jeans, a t-shirt, a leather jacket, a flannel shirt around his waist, combat boots on his feet, and at one point he had a hat on his head - and the man complained that it was too hot.
Now, I love Axl. I love that he emerged from whatever funk he was in for twenty years and he put on an inspired and absolutely commanding performance. I was moved to tears. Seriously one of the best live bands, ever, every time I’ve seen them. A huge influence on me, maybe even bigger than Mötley Crüe.
BUT DUDE. Running around onstage during a humid Phoenix summer might require some level of nakedness, ala Henry Rollins. At least take the jacket off and ventilate yourself, sir.
No need to dress for Seattle here in Arizona.
I was just so overwhelmed and grateful to see them again, even if it was at the hot stadium and I had to hike a vertical mile from our floor seats to use a bathroom a couple of times because I’m old and need to pee more often than I used to.
But Kathy and I have both seen Mötley Crüe so many times over the years, do we need to see them again? Does it even matter? Is Vince even able to sing? Can we ever capture that feeling of teenage angst and rebellion and solidarity? Do we need to go visit our old friends again or are we good?
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When I was first wrestling with the idea of writing Adventures of a Metalhead Librarian, I had to work my way through a lot of mental blocks, because mostly I couldn’t figure out what the ACTUAL story was that I needed to tell.
Was it going to be a memoir? Music commentary? A political statement? A survival story? A confessional? An explanation?
Maybe it was all of those things. Maybe it hits different for different people.
I really couldn’t even speculate what it was until I had actually written it.
What I keep coming back to, though, is that in some big way - for me as the writer - AMHL was a love letter to Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe.
And not in an ooey-gooey romantic sense, but in a kindred-spirit-soul-brother-type of sense. He was an example to me of what might be possible if you gambled on yourself.
He always inspired me to be true to my heart - whether as a student, a librarian, or as a writer and creative person. Nikki was THE artist who fueled my teenage rebellion. It was his music and lyrics and dangerous living that gave me the courage to abandon Ohio at the age of eighteen for Los Angeles. Whenever I was faced with a challenging situation in life, I’ve almost always asked:
What Would Nikki Sixx Do?
He’s not failed me yet.
Most people don’t even notice, but every chapter of my book is named after a Mötley Crüe song. And as much as I wanted to quote lyrics throughout - I also couldn’t afford the rights to use them and didn’t want to get a cease-and-desist.
The only thing I ever really wanted was for Nikki to read my book. So far, he hasn’t, even though I know people who know him - it hasn’t crossed his radar yet. And that’s OK. It doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things. Maybe someday he’ll read it.
A writer can dream, and I am ever hopeful.
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I started pecking out a screenplay adaptation based on Adventures of a Metalhead Librarian, and so far - I’m six pages in!
It’s slow going while I learn the software I’m using. I stop to look things up and to make sure I’m “doing it” right, but it’s looking and feeling like the very beginnings of a slightly passable first draft.
Getting that first draft done is everything. Anything that sucks can be fixed from there.
It helps that when I was editing the book, I used a spreadsheet for all of my scenes so I could assess a bunch of different variables. I have that spreadsheet printed out which is working great as an outline for the screenplay. A little backwards engineering.
Right now I’m cleaving very close to the way the book unfolded, but I have SO MANY decisions to make about how to address certain things in the screenplay. What to leave out, what needs to stay in, what is implied, how to transition and flashback, how to pace it. It could turn out quite a bit different than the book.
I’m not even confident that I’m going to use AMHL as the title for the screenplay at this point. Just like the book, I’m not sure what it’s going to be until I’ve actually written it.
So at this point, I’m thinking of it as “Starry Eyes”.
Unfortunately, a small-budget horror movie that was released about eight years ago also has the same title. But we’ll see how it shakes out. Whatever the title ends up being, I’m referencing Mötley Crüe and Guns n’ Roses music throughout. The soundtrack is KEY to the story.
When it’s ready, I plan on entering it into a few contests, and I’ll start querying.
The worst case scenario is that I just keep self-publishing and learning. And Library Confidential will be next in the queue, and then I’ll write a screenplay for that, too.
I have no expectations that this book will ever get made into a movie, honestly. It’s a huge long-shot. My goal with learning how to write screenplays is to get good enough to produce a few writing samples that might interest an agent or a manager.
After assessing the realities of publishing and my chances at getting a “deal” or selling my work, whether as a book or a screenplay - I think I have a better shot in Los Angeles than in New York.
And when I think about the enormity of what seems like an impossible task, I go back and ask myself:
What Would Nikki Sixx Do?
Well, easy answer: he’d go for it, balls out.
And that’s why I keep hanging on to my impossible dreams.
It’s just my nature. I am ever hopeful.
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My daughter is at the age where she’s going and doing “stuff” with her friends, and today I dropped her and her bestie at a local cafe to have brunch together. Brunch! Back in my day we’d go to Taco Bell.
Anyways, the cafe happened to be on the same corner as the branch of a local library, so my son and I went in to have a look-see.
I used to take them to this library when they were babies because it was close to our house at the time, but I hadn’t been in years. It had also been closed for a while due to damage from a freak gas explosion in the strip mall next door.
But today the library was back open and at full capacity, and while it’s a small branch, it was welcoming and cozy. We were hunting for the Rick Riordan/Percy Jackson books for my boy, but they didn’t have ANY of the series on the shelf.
We did find a few other things, and I got a little teary walking the non-fiction stacks. My son asked me what was wrong, and I just told him I missed the all the books. I miss getting lost in the stacks with nothing but my curiosity to guide me.
I also miss helping people at the library. I am still walking around with my librarian info-junkie monkey brain, a font of useless and random information that has no outlet these days.
It’s been almost three years since I published AMHL and while I’ve done a nice number of interviews and made some workshop and teaching appearances, I haven’t done anything just for me, just for my work.
Mostly because I’m a little scared of failure. And honestly, I’m still wrestling with the idea of being a teacher or a coach. Even though I DO these things, it’s a bridge I haven’t quite crossed yet, mentally.
I’m a WRITER, and I’m a LIBRARIAN. I don’t know if I can teach, but I know FOR SURE that I can help.
And so here I am at this juncture, trying to figure things out, asking:
What Would Nikki Sixx Do?
So, in August, I’m going to experiment a little and host an “Ask Me Anything” session where you can drop in via Zoom and I’ll answer questions right there in real time, just like at the Reference Desk.
It will be free, of course.
I don’t have any set structure or goal in mind other than to connect with readers and writers and music fans and be a resource for people. It may evolve into more specific workshops eventually, but for now, I want to see what shows up.
Sometimes, this is how Big Magic happens. Through conversations and connection.
I’m excited!
And of course, I am ever hopeful.
If this sounds like something you’d be interested in, make sure to sign up on my regular mailing list if you haven’t already:
I’ll be sharing more details and links soon. And of course, questions or comments?
Email me at: annamarieobrien@gmail.com.
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Anyways, friends, thanks for being here today. I have so much more to talk about but I’ll close for now while I go fix dinner and dream about my big rockstar writing fantasies and future stories and books.
One thing is for sure: I wouldn’t have had any of these passions or experiences or dreams if it weren't for the girl I met back in the 8th grade. She influenced the course of my life in so many ways.
It all started with my Starry Eyes.
Just absolutely beautiful!! Loved it!!